that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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