dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
