When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
