I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
