well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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