she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
