i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
