Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
please come you make the beer taste better
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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