shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
