the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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