There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
