well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
