Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
