"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
