i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
