i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
