You can't motorboat a personality
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Im part way to drunk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
