problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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