I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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