she kept yelling 'call me bella'
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
