1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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