my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
