Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
