its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ttyl tear gas
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
