The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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