You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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