you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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