Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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