That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
