ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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