Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just had sex bonerless
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
