there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
