the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
