This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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