I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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