Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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