You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
