That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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