i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
