we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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