I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I party with great urgency now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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