Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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