I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
