Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
