So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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