Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
