worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
