I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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