I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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