matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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