She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you traded sex for a burrito?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
