I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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