someone threw a dead crab at me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
