i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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