I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
