in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
