why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
