A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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