OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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