Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
