I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
