I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize