shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm really into asian looking animals
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize