they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
