Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
