You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
