The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
