I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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