Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize