I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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