So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
