you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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