I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
