no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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