I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
